So much of marriage is the “little stuff” where the dirty socks fall, if the toilet seat is left up, the unbalanced check-book, or the toothpaste tube squished in the wrong place. That kind of stuff trashes marriages. There is a book called “Don’t sweat the small stuff.” I beg to differ. That is not entirely true!!! It is all the small stuff that is important.

My husband calls this the 2% solution. So much of life and marriage is the “small stuff”. The brand new, expensive whatsits doesn’t work because a 39 cent part is defective. You have a great shopping experience ruined because the bagger smashes your bread and eggs. Your fantastic document (and possibly your career) is in shambles because the clerk couldn’t figure out how to print it correctly. 98% works well, but is trashed because of the last 2%. Marriage is a lot like that... your husband is wonderful 98% of the time but drinks a little “too much” on the weekends. How will that affect your life together? She is perfect but spends “too much” time with friends. How does one define “too much”? How do you cope with these issues? Are these issues? Do you want to cope? Should you cope? Is your partner willing to change? Or should you be the one to change? How do you decide as a married couple what you do together?

Are “boys’ nights” or “girls’ nights” an option, or do you prefer to do everything together? What if one of you disagrees? Do you like each other’s friends?

One the other side of the 2% solution, does your fiancé’ do the sweet little things that brighten a dreary day……chocolate remedies for body and soul after a hard day? Chicken soup and your favorite soda when you are sick? Filling up the gas tank before it is on ”E”? Taking out the trash without being asked? A foot massage after a really bad day? Little things add up! Thoughtfulness in day to day life is quite possibly the most wonderful thing in the world.

I won’t spend too much time delving into your intimate together time, except to ask: are you really good together? Is love freely and generously given all the time? Are you both on the same wavelength? If not, is compromise possible? For those of you who prefer to wait until the wedding night for your first intimacy, you should still have a pretty good idea of your physical compatibility. If you don’t feel “right” and “beautiful” and “cherished”, you may want to rethink your decision to marry. Marriage is about making you feel closer and more open and “one” with each other. The physical union can be the gateway to the spiritual union.

Time Together