Premarital Questionnaire

It is important to discuss what comes after the wedding... before the wedding. Some couples spend so much time planning their wedding that they forget to plan for the actual marriage. Sometimes, couples assume that they will “live happily ever after” and are horrified to discover reality is not exactly how they pictured it.

There are many questionnaires available to determine the health of your relationship, mostly centering around the physical aspects of married life, such as: children, health, finances, and career goals

All these questions are good, and can begin a lively discussion. They are food for thought, and insight. I am assuming that you two have already talked about most of these topics. I am sure you agree on most of the major life issues …such as your family life, your lifestyle choices, your recreational activities, your financial standings, your standards of ethics and morals.

What I would like you to think about are questions that are a little unconventional, a little different, some questions of the heart. Questions such as: does your heart skip a beat when the other walks into the room? Is your future spouse easy to love? Which would mean: does it take effort to do things for the other? Do you feel used or unhappy giving up your choice of activity to do what your partner wants to do? Is making him/her happy the essence of your life? Would you be willing to die for him/her? Would you be willing to live for him/her? Would you be happy living alone? Is breathing the same air as the other, enough to make you smile? If your partner left you for someone else, would you still want her/him to be happy? And would you wish him/her well?

One cannot measure love. One cannot take a test and find compatibility. You have to look to your hearts. Can you paint the basement together and enjoy one another’s company? Can one of you be sick and know the other will tenderly take care of you? Do you feel absolutely safe in their love? Do you know whether your partner would swim through shark infested waters to save you? Can you look at the coolest movie star or model in the world and think…well, that person is OK, but my fiancé is so much more wonderful.